Why do our lives seem destined to bring hardship? No matter how 'loud and proud' we show ourselves to be, this 'crooked' smile is the tell that some will see. You're right this world is cruel and it can be unfair too. How does one stay afloat when the sea is crashing all around? Determination and hope. Find the light in the world, it is there, it's just hard to see it, hard to believe it when it's been so hard. You're tough, remember that. Being resilient and creative are useful skill and, I'm sure, will pull you through. There's a sun on the horizon with your name on it.
Best of luck.