I’ve spent years hiding emotions with careless shoulder shrugs and fake smiles
Fervently shaking my head and lying through my teeth as I tell them “I’m okay”
While whispering “I deserved it” in my head when I can’t stand to speak the truth
I allow myself to be tread upon like a doormat meant to dust your feet, to convenience you
Because I see and find no value in my own day, in my own life, in my own existence
I see no point in my happiness, no escape from the sadness that plagues me
So I suppress it, lock it up and throw away the key that still dangles in my peripheral
I could set myself free, unleash the monster that I’ve created just below the surface
Let the darkness of my mind spew from my mouth like bullets at those who hurt me
But I won’t, because once I have a moment to feel again, I’m no longer me
