Shower Thoughts

Shower Thoughts

I want to get out of this shower but I must not.
I want to talk to her again but I cannot.
If I see her outside, I will just tear up.
If I talk to her, she will not speak up.

The screams of the waters echo as they fall,
While I lay my back on the moist wall.
I just want to stay here for a while.
Not nude, just barefoot, seating on the tile.

One thigh curls up while the other is at rest,
But something still lurks inside my chest.
It feels like butterflies flying up and down,
But gnawing every flesh one by one.

Beyond my eyes are my clothes, soaking wet.
All have stains of the sin I covet.
Tshirt, pants, watch everything I am.
All are drowning at the sea of my mayhem.

I told her my shower thought a while ago,
To have a desirable death is what we aim for,
But we’re scared to admit we know where we will go,
And that made her run for the door.

I wrapped my arms around her begging I’m sorry.
She refused, squirming and gasping for liberty.
Somehow I made her stay and hear me out.
She sat still, no words escaped her mouth.

I both love them, her and my curiosity.
They both make me lose my sanity.
But she is not a thought, that is the only difference.
My shower thoughts return, but not her presence.

Maybe it is best to stay here and wait,
For someone, to arrive before it is too late.
I never wanted my shower thought to occur,
Because when it does, someone will definitely suffer.

Dedicated to Mr. Marshallee