Random.

Ma, firstly the title 'Random' literally could just be about anything, I know that sounds clichéd but some times the randomness in us all makes us all unique in my opinion and if others don't like it well , it's their problem.

I don't know how many shots of vodka
I've had, definitely more than two, clear liquid
poured freely from the bottle's neck like a soft
downpour on unsuspecting lovers,
but I don't feel a thing.
^
From the off, I can tell this is piece is going to be quite sombre as you've set the mood well in my opinion because you seem as though you're 'drinking to forget' just with the first line that is the first impression this stanza gives to me and when a person 'drinks to forget' it is never a good sign unfortunately and in our lives I reckon we'll all either have been there, done that or will do.

Standing in the middle of an unfinished
basement, the washer whirring at 2:30 AM,
the white noise of the dehumidifier,
an unknown puddle on the cement;
god, this place is a mess.
^
Thi stanza makes me wonder whether you've just moved in somewhere - if you have good luck in the journey ahead, I hope it brings you only happy memories and good luck or you're moving out but you're wondering whether you've made the right choice, maybe you're moving from family and friends for the first time and my goodness that's tough in itself, I remember moving away from home for the first time and for the first month it felt like hell even though I still lived close to my family, I felt I couldn't keep going home as I was a 'big girl now and I had my big girl panties on' lol.

And I wonder if it's all random,
what's running through my head now.
The blood on the pillowcases, the shelves
of gauze in the upstairs closet, the way
he slept, unbothered by my concerns.
^
I find that thinking these things at random times just makes them so real in our heads and although we know we're overthinking them we still question whether they're real or not and then because we're questioning ourselves the cycle worsens intensifies unfortunately and no matter what we do, we cannot stop ourselves from worrying about that particular thing(s). The imagery you portray here seems to suggest just that aswell.

I don't know how one stays asleep
after this. After obsessing on why you
haven't called to ask how I am.
Wondering if everyone assumes I'm fine,
when it's all overwhelming, still.
Despite it being over sixth months.
Despite me having everything I need
to succeed.
^
My heart literally broke for you here. 6 months is a long time to have 'moved on' and here everyone seems to expect you to have moved on too but in relationships we are all different, we attach differently, we fall differently etc there's a number of things that stop us from just 'moving on' and 'being fine' and having these expectations that everyone has of us... It's so irritating isn't it? One day, you will be able pick up your crown, dust it off and wonder exactly what the heck took you so long. I promise. *gentle hugs*

I brought a can of tuna fish and
a jar of mayonnaise from the pantry
downstairs. I'll make myself a lonely
sandwich and eat in front of a blank
computer screen, letting a few
innocent crumbs spill onto my desk,
^
I had a little giggle here only because you're like my soul sister, i do this all the time and those crumbs well, you can't go wrong with crumbs for desert (I kid.) Just know that there's plenty time for those lonely tuna mayonnaise sandwiches girl because you're still young and your soul is beautiful!!

trying to find solace in the random.
^
The solace will certainly come, it just takes a little time.

Take care and know if you ever need an ear, I've got two xx

Ma,

First apartment perhaps? I know this random feeling and the loneliness, you have captured all of it in this poem. It gets better if after the tuna fish you add little debbie snack cakes <3

Mary Anne, love this piece. I'm sorry these words are being written, I hope this isn't happening in your life. I feel the despair and the sadness. Hugs-