Comments : Stop Playing Pretend (NaPoWriMo day 13)

  • 3 years ago

    by Michael

    Beautiful :)

    • 3 years ago

      by Star

      Thank you Michael :)

  • 3 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    where's Tinker Bell? I love Disney and your imagination! :)

    • 3 years ago

      by Star

      I love Disney too!!
      Thank you:)

  • 3 years ago

    by Keira Pickard

    I don't know why, but this has made me cry at least three times. I mean, obviously, it is an emotional poem but I don't cry often - or at least try not to - but this completely moved me. You've thrown me with that alone!
    I love the way you've set it out, like little diamonds in the centre of the page, with no capitalization on the letters. The title immediately drew my attention, but the rest captivated me - like Peter's shadow :)
    A personal preference: on the end of the first stanza, perhaps replace the ; with a comma? And

    Can make us fly away,
    You flew away

    ^^ maybe change the punctuation there too, to make it flow better? Then again, I'm hideously picky with grammar, despite the fact that I'm constantly making mistakes of my own!!
    Anyway, this poem is just *magical* :)

    • 3 years ago

      by Star

      Awwww Im really sorry I made you cry :(

      And in regards with the punctuation you are right it kinda flows better, but with poetry the different uses of punctuation and grammar can affect the mood and the style of what you’re writing. You can take it easy sometimes, it doesnt have to be perfect :)