never going to send this to you. (napowrimo 2021: day 13)

and it’s summer again, your words still linger in the air –
i don’t remember what was said, that much was whittled
down to a feeling. a part of me relives the moment you
left in middle of the night, and the not knowing of what
came of you, and it’s constantly, like a resonant humming
in the background like tinnitus. i know what came of you;
it’s stupid but i think about closure all the time, i still can’t
wrap my head around why. you don’t need to explain and
i stand by that; you finding your own peace is enough, but
i'll be lying if i said i don’t think of what could’ve been, like
what the years might have turned into if you didn’t leave.
and now we exist in some type of limbo – like we crossed
a liminal space that we weren’t supposed to.

sometimes i wonder what life would’ve been if we weren’t
fated to be in each other’s lives.

i wonder about that too much,
i wonder about you too much.

but you’re still around,
that’s all i prayed for back then,
so i internalize all the what-ifs,
and pray that your peace is real now.

'Day 13 prompt: something you want to say to someone but you cant" as suggested by star in the napowrimo thread