Interesting write from you both. I'm not usually a lover of collabs but this where there was quite unique.

Only one little thing I noticed...

where there was once eyes
filled with vigor, there is now
a pair of dull muddy eyes
staring back.

The repeat of the word eyes in line 3 through me off slightly so I'd maybe look at replacing it. Also the word won't should have an apostrophe.

Really enjoyed it.