The Evil Villain and The Janitor (short story)

On one hell of a morning, when the lair of an evil villain was fired up with the sounds of vacuums vacuuming dirt off dusty floors, the evil villain called Mr. J, the janitor.

“Mr. J.”

“Mr. J?”

The evil villain screamed, “MR. J!” but the vacuum’s sound overpowered his voice.

The evil villain screamed at the top of his lungs, “MR. J, TURN THAT MACHINE FROM THE DEVIL, OFF! COME TO MY OFFICE!”

Mr. J, turned the vacuum off and proceeded to the evil’s villain office. At the office, the villain greeted Mr. J with an evil laugh “muhahaha”.

“Behold! This is it! Mr. J., I finally did it! The most evil of my experiments and plans has and will finally come to fruition.

Mr. J, behold! This is Robot U. You are fired! Muhahaha. I no longer required your services. Robot U is equipped to do everything and even more of what you do. What’s more important, he will respond as soon I call him: no more screaming at the top of my lungs, no more of you Mr. J not responding to me. All these years you have been killing my patience with that devilish sound of that vacuum of yours. You have done it over and over again but no more! Off you go.”

Mr. J, with a grin of contentment in his eyes, looked at the robot, within seconds left the office, and before the evil villain could evilly laugh again, left the lair.

A day after Mr. J was fired, passed by. Robot U bb walked every room, every hallway in the lair as if he was Mr. J, but without a vacuum. Every time, the evil villain called him, Robot U responded promptly.

A week went by after Mr. J was fired. The evil Villain happily continued performing experiments. Some required wood being chopped. Some required sanding the wood. Robot U helped with the tasks. He Fixed the pipes. He took cared of all the plumbing. He did all the cleaning with a broom. And most importantly, no sound of a vacuum was ever heard. The evil villain was overjoyed.

Six months went by after Mr. J was fired. The evil villain begin to noticed the lair was covered in dust. The tiny spectacles were no longer tiny. Conglomerations of dust became existent. As each day passed, the dust gathered in piles as if almost taking a shape of a human. The evil villain continued calling Robot U to fixed it. He instructed Robot U, every day to clean it, and Robot U did, each time with a broom.

A year passed by since Mr. J was fired. The dust in the lair had gotten out of control to the point that every pile of dust now resembled Mr. J. The evil villain screamed, “what is this hell? Robot U, do something! Anything! Vacuum it!”
And Robot U confused, unaware of what “vacuum it” meant, started throwing Error messages. The evil villain programmed him to never be able to vacuum.

The following day, between dust and tears, the evil villain decided to take action with his own hands. He walked to the room where the vacuums were stored. As he tried to open the door. He found the door was locked. He called Robot U and instructed him to blow the door off. Robot U blasted the door but the door didn’t flinched. As the evil villain inspected it, he realized the door was indestructible. At that moment, he fell on his knees and cried while staring at the multitude of dust sculptures of Mr. J’s shape and yelled, “ Mr. J, where are you?!”

Prompt from Reddit: “The villain fired you, the janitor of his evil lair, and replaced you with a robot. This is the story of you teaching him a lesson : never tick off the man who has all the keys.” By U/Gregamonster