Comments : dejected dreams

  • 3 years ago

    by prasanna

    I love the second stanza and wish I was the one who wrote that!

    • 3 years ago

      by Star

      Lol why not use it in a poem?

  • 3 years ago

    by D.

    ‘ this night is
    a hallucination,
    munching on
    a brain.’

    Well this is just great ahah. I’m a huge fan of this, star! Creative and refined as always!

    • 3 years ago

      by Star

      Thank you Daniel!!

  • 3 years ago

    by Em

    Hello Star, firstly I'd like to just say WOW!
    The title 'dejected dreams' I love because instantly it tells us, I feel, the mood of the poem as a whole although I could be wrong and you could just be trying to knock us off scent (thinking emoji lol) I also like the use of alliteration here too.

    a white screen
    staring back,
    tingling fingers
    barely holding
    onto letters.
    ^
    This opening reminds me of a scene in a movie although I cannot remember which but it was in a courtroom and, I think, the rape victim was giving her statement or whatever that would be called and she was so nervous she became fidgety and was just messing with her sleeve and knocked the papers flying. I felt so sympathetic for her, honestly it was horrendous. A fantastic way to set the scene here.

    this night is
    a hallucination,
    munching on
    a brain.
    ^
    I absolutely love this stanza, it's just yeah, I've no words for it.. The night being an hallucination in itself is amazing so well done on this, my favourite part.

    words
    slowly
    shattering
    ^
    Now, I love the image of words shattering especially as it's usually a person that shatters because of words spoken.. If that makes sense.

    ghosts start
    dancing,
    celebrating
    the blackout.
    ^
    This is one reason I'm afraid of the dark haha, just imagine if that's really the case though? Like, I reckon it could be you know. Scary. I think I'll sleep with one eye open tonight haha

    glowing
    butterflies
    dim
    ^
    A sad ending to a fantastic piece.
    Well done,
    Em. X

    • 3 years ago

      by Star

      We could really use emojis in this site right? Lol
      Anyways, I was in a very specific mood when I wrote this, I wasn’t sure how it would come across. In your comment I see you kinda felt fear, it’s not exactly that but thats why I like sharing poetry, to see how others interpret what I write. In this case I’m glad something came across :)

      Thank you Em!!