by Keira Pickard
Excellent. You were saying about how you wanted to write a poem about this subject the other day, and you've done it really well. |
by Ben Pickard
Thank you so much for this, Keira. One for pointing out my schoolboy error in regards to syllable count and two for the suggestions. X |
I've read this a few times now, and it still hits just as hard and fills me with an aching sadness. As Keira mentioned, from the title, my mind immediately went to photography. And I thought it would be about some commonplace object that you find around the house or something. But something that is lifeless, that used to freely move and wander around in nature, is much more powerful. The "bent and buckled" worked really well here, succinct, unnatural to read almost, as you can tell so much from an animal by their tail and how they move it. I like how you kept the theme of this poem aligned with art terms as well, "painting" and "canvas". The second line is such a bleak image, because whenever I think of someone painting something, I imagine they are gentle with each brushstroke, graceful, and this is the opposite. In the last line, I hadn't even noticed the syllable count when you originally had "The" in front of it, (only noticed thanks to Keira), and even before I put two and two together, I felt it could flow better without the "The" lol. For some reason too, "roadside's" sounds better than simply "road's". |
by Ben Pickard
A wonderful and interesting comment, MA. Thank you. |
by nouriguess
My heart sank and I was knocked sideways when I imagined this. |
by Em
This is just wow! Shocking but.. Yeah, I'm speechless, the other ladies have said it all xx |
by Ben Pickard
Thank you, both. Noura - I agree. Perhaps in a different way, but I do agree. Accidents are accidents, after all, and they can't be prevented. What is wrong is that innocents have to live in a world where those accidents have such tragic consequences. Where beauty is snuffed by such random events. You are right - it is wrong. |
by Hellon
This was a real punch in the guts type of poem. Where I live we have lots of wildlife crossing the roads and we do slow down but , sadly, there's still too much road kill. |
by Ben Pickard
I said (rather darkly) to my family driving down the motorway, "The best place to see wildlife is at the side of the bloody road". Anyway, that gave me the idea for this. |
Stunning piece beautiful! |
by BOB GALLO
:) :) |