Struggles of the heart and mind

by Em   Jun 25, 2021


You've cried so often in private
that your heart aches, always and
silhouettes come back to haunt your
soul as if they'd disappeared but
they're etched scars in your mind.

Your eyes feel heavy with salt tears
like your shoulders do with burden;
baring weight of other people's woes
aswell as your own for your too kind
to say no as you were born to listen.

You often wish your obituary was 
written in stone but truly you're not
ready to disintegrate as you're young;
if you're honest with yourself dying
scares you just as much as the dark.

You built your walls so high that no one
was ever able to see through your daily
pain, painting pretty pictures with your
smile, so everyone thought you were ok
even though inside you crumbled daily.

You decided to beg for medicinal help as
suicidal thoughts played on your mind -
singing the untruths of others words and
what they thought was OK to say to you;
calling you useless, worthless and chunky.

Tablets suppressed the thoughts you had
and eventually you didn't need them to live.
Love affairs added to your distress but you
overcame them too, realising your own worth;
fighting off unwanted guests of your past.

Now, you're much braver and stronger than
ever before, giving others advice, helping
others through their unique sorrow, stopping
it in its tracks, making them see their own
worth, giving them a reason to live their life.

©Em

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Latest Comments

  • 3 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hello Em,

    new poem from you and not as acrostic - well let's take a closer look:

    Stanza 1
    I see this is a self-reflective piece. In the stanza, i like how you emotionally grab the reader, helping you understand the 'heartache' and the reason why the 'silhouettes' are now part of you 'etched' The mention of 'scars' drums home the abuse and why your heartache is so prominent.

    Stanza 2
    Again the use of the word 'heavy' shows how much you cry and how hard, coupled with the physical shoulder pain. Pain like this is not just emotional, it also makes your body ache! I understand the burden of helping others, although, for me, its more like helping others that you can relate to, understanding their kind of hardship, indeed, wanting more for them. 'born to listen' having a tough start in life is like being born into helping others. I don't think it is easy to empathise if you haven't personally experienced hardship.

    Stanza 3
    I always smile when i see 'obituary' in your poetry. For me it is like sailing back to Dover and see the white cliffs - i just know its one of yours! :) Seriously this stanza speaks a dark truth, although death is sometimes sought, it is also feared and for good reason too! There is too much life ahead, too many people to help, too many opportunities...

    Stanza 4
    I read this about your coping mechanisms. When life is tough, like yours, one has to learn to survive. Some retreat, some put on a face and pretend, some use chemicals, some self-harm, whilst others try and mixture. None of this is deliberate, but the human condition is to survive. I know that some of these seem counterintuitive, but some time we just need to take one day at a time. Your choice here to paint a pretty face helped, but put a wall up to hide the decay. I'd like to think poetry helps to restore you faith in life.

    Stanza 5
    As mentioned above, chemicals (medicines) and suicide thoughts are symptoms. By introducing this shares your experience with others; also, how unkind others can be. This is powerful and i commend your honesty.

    Stanza 6
    This stanza tells a lot, of the development of self and with it no longer needing prescriptive meds. Love then came and though you deserved more you got less and this reminded you of your own worth. The last line, i think, reveals that when we are low, our demons return - i guess they are never truly gone, just kept away.

    Stanza 7
    Here we are up to date. 'Braver and stronger...' still helping others and passing on the gift of self-worth and fighting against those who take advantage.

    Em, i liked this, the honesty is raw and real. You say like it is and there is no hiding in an image there.

    Take it easy Em xx

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