Things I won’t ever tell you

Our love was messed up.

I just didn’t want to see it.

There were days we didn’t have enough to eat

On those days I gave you the last of the money I had worked 2 jobs for

You spent it on drugs and I bought you food, while my stomach was growling

Most nights I went to bed hungry but I just wanted you to be happy

I only realize now that doing this wasn’t out of love

It was out of fear of losing you

Fear of you being angry with me

To the point where my needs didn’t matter anymore

This isn’t a poem asking for pity though

I know I made my own choices

I’m only writing this as a reminder to myself, that I will never love like that again.

They say you can’t love someone until you love your self but that’s not true.

You most definitely can, you can love them in hopes of them loving you enough to make you feel

You are actually lovable.

It’s just the thing is, when you don’t love yourself, this means you don’t care what happens to you, and you will always end up with a person who makes you feel

even more unlovable.