Borderline

by schmetterling   Sep 22, 2021


To have such little
control over
what is inside
is truly
terrifying.
What causes others
mild annoyance
sends me in a
full blown rage.
Just like that
I am a different person,
unrecognizable.
The guilt consumes me
every
single
time,
yet somehow
I can't stop it.
It's as if
I am paralyzed
from rational thoughts.
I scream in tears
for fear of abandonment
when it isn't actually happening,
Part of it is
a response to previous trauma,
the other is true
impulse.
I don't understand
why I react in these ways,
but it is utterly
exhausting.
I switch off and on,
and when I'm on
I feel most myself,
but when I'm off
borderline personality consumes me.
In those fits
I have to claw myself out
in whatever way I can.
The borderline me
is the me I hate
because it hurts the people I love
and riddles me in stress.
Learning to regulate
these emotions
is the best shot
I have.

    report violation
2


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 3 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Love those ending lines. There is still a huge stigma surrounding BPD and personality disorders in general, especially when people demonize mental illness and make false claims that people who struggle don't care or can't show compassion. You describe the complexities and frustrations and impulses here so well, with depth and an understanding that you are struggling, and even if others don't understand, you are trying to understand this, to manage it as best you can. All the best to you.

More Poems By schmetterling