This resonates with me on such a deep level. I don’t have good relationships with either of my parents. My dad puts in the least amount of effort but expects maximum return and my mom is the most chaotic and overbearing person I’ve ever known; both are too much to describe in this comment.

But this got me. Especially this line:

“ My disappointment in you seeps
into my skin, aging me,
yet at the same time, I feel childish
for wanting you to be proud of me
at twenty-six years old.”

I still feel this way. I spent me entire childhood trying to make them love me, make them proud of me, to make myself visible to them. This line literally captures every emotion I’ve felt recently and I can’t thank you enough for your genius in saying it.

“ Why are you such a fixture in my life?
Why can't I un-know you?

I'd show you what it's like
to be treated like I can't make
my own decisions, or any good
decisions at all,”

These lines too, ugh, perfection. The people we can’t stand to be around sometimes are often the hardest to let go, especially if it’s a parent. You still crave that sense of acceptance and love from them, but it’s met with bullying and analyzing and critiquing every move you make. It’s terrible.

I’ll hush now but this an instant favorite.

The first stanza caught my attention,
it yanked at my heart, my soul.
I felt this aching in my stomach and a feeling that I relate to.
What you specifically express here is everything I have felt,
I have wondered why? And yet, the longing of wanting to speak to them even if they don't give a damn overwhelms the feelings of not even bothering talking to them.

Boy, this second stanza just builds upon the first.
It speaks volumes of those feelings and emotions that flood throughout one's body and spirit.
So many feel it's hard to get them under control.
The reverse psychology they use to create a poor image that we long to fix.

The third stanza - yet we want to fix this poor self-image, they rebuke us,
they gain the control because they know we caught the fishing hook, and now they have us on their line... Play the back and forth game, and frustrations get too much to handle.
At least that is what came up when reading it for me...

The fourth stanza hits hard.
"You care about serving no one other than yourself."
The truth of that line was overwhelming.
It bought up a lot of sickening feelings.
You almost describe the entire situation and person I ventured to love, correction, sickeningly still love.
Always turning it around - gaining what they can while making us the martyr.

Wow, this was deep. I wonder who you speak of?
I think this is almost like a self-reflection,
at least that is how I took it.
Internally reviewing the shame,
the hurt, the regret, and the knowledge of knowing better yet doing otherwise and asking yourself later why.. Perhaps I am way off, but I love the description and detail, the use of the words which paint a picture of pain and mournful regret and memories that confuse and ache your soul.

"It's not me I hate anymore"
^^^^ - I wish I could say the same thing, but I cannot.

Damn, these last few stanza and lines.
I was able to relate to the poem with my ex,
but the strong ties to a parent who is not there - even if physically there- were powerful when I reread it. I wanted to leave my first thoughts above to show you that your words are relatable to me, even if they aren't relatable to my parents. You have a profound way to connect your words with people's situations, experiences, memories, and life experiences. You always blow me away with your writing. So strong, very powerful. I am sorry for the pain that has occurred here; I can say that a beautifully painful poem has been written to transform these feelings into art through the pain.