Grandma

You were the very glue that held this
family together, our center of gravity.
You were a pillar of strength, of faith, of love.
I regret, as a child, not caring for our
visits the way I wish I had now.
I miss seeing you at the kitchen table
while cutting up vegetables as we spoke, or
Standing at the stove and preparing our
holiday meals, how we’d carry it over.
I’ll never walk those same footsteps again,
never feel you in those woods again.
I miss hearing your laugh, watching you
knit or flip through the Bible next to your chair.
I miss how you swore you never cursed
but we all knew that wasn’t true.
I miss the smell of your house, the wooden
ducks in the kitchen and bathroom,
The way we’d pick through the shed each
winter to help hang up decorations.
I miss the smile on your face as we’d fill
two church pews every holiday;
You were always so proud of us, proud
of your family and how we surrounded you.
I’m sorry I didn’t show up more. I’m sorry
I never called. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.
And I’m sorry it took your passing for me
to cherish you the way I always should’ve.

We bury you today.
And I’m trying my best to keep my
head where I know you’d want it to be: happy.
You always said it should be a celebration
of life, of the years you’ve lived,
To rejoice in your memories which can
never be taken away from us.
You’ve been ready to meet your maker,
see your husband’s smiling face again.
As you’ve been ushered into the next
part of your life, we now say our goodbyes.

If you’re still lingering here, I love you.
May your soul rest eternally at peace.