Am I the only one who sees the
psychology of this situation?
No wonder she feels like a burden.
No wonder she feels like she had to do it
alone, or at least exhaust every option first.
And this is all speculation,
but how else am I supposed to react?
When you haven't been on the same page.
With her. With me. With yourselves.
You choose to coddle and cry
while he yells at her and punches the wall,
(oh wait, that just happened once or twice
so it's not that big of a deal, right?
especially since it got plastered over).
Maybe she never grasped healthy boundaries
because her parents had none of their own.
So she, and I as a result, isolated ourselves
to the corner end of the house where we could
try our best to remain hidden and untouched,
vowing and confessing to each other that we'd
never get married if we found partners in the future.
How confusing for a child to hear the frustration,
the blame, and to realize the arguments ARE
centered around her,
for simply figuring things out and growing,
being helped and supported one minute
and being threatened the next.
No wonder her self-esteem has tanked.
No wonder the memories have flooded
my mind again, at a much harsher rate than before.
I can't push down the feeling inside.
The tension.
The dark pit.
It's all returned.
Though it's never gone away, not fully.
I can lie to everyone but myself, apparently.
So I vent in words and thoughts and walking
around the house, never achieving much,
too afraid to amplify my feelings too often,
always asking myself
