It is a tragedy that you become intoxicated
and still believe it's not your fault,
that you've become a ghost in my past.
I know it's driving you crazy
that I spend all of my time avoiding you,
but I feel like you cheated on me
and became hooked on a cheap drug,
destroying what we had.
I cannot tell you how much my heart crumbled
when you stumbled into the deepest end
of a bottomless bottle,
and I have ran out of glue
to keep trying to fix the broken pieces
you smashed us into.
Parts of me are shaken by rage,
and I try so hard to believe that
you are not going to be wasted tomorrow,
but sooner or later,
I fall into the truth,
your addiction is just too strong
and that will always be the same.
I pretend I feel nothing for you
because it is so much less complicated
than feeling all of the truth,
but it is just a mask
because I know the child in me
is grieving for a loss of a brother,
and a hero that she used to adore.
Forgiving you is sometimes borderline,
but when you lie behind my back,
and drown yourself in those bottles,
it's like you watch me start to shine
just to then switch off my light.
