I am not who you think I am,
I am not afraid to leave
that version of me behind
and become who I need to be instead.
I would happily settle for what life was
because at least back then,
I knew how to get over the fears I had,
by creating external pain
that washed them all away.
It was my beautiful nightmare,
dressed as my trusted daydream,
and I thank it for punishing me,
for giving me a version of myself
that was temporarily safe from pain.
When I didn't know where else to turn,
I knew it would offer me a release,
a coldness that only I could touch.
I could walk into the lonely streets of my mind,
collapsing into the dark,
knowing I was completely pain free,
as long as I was that version of me.
