I keep screaming hopefully somebody will hear me,
The silence it deafening, I don’t think I’m breathing
I feel like I’m drowning but I’m actually dreaming.
When does this end?
I’m walking but I feel like I’m running,
My brain can’t seem to slow down.
My energy was replaced with pure rage,
This is no longer just a phase.
It’s daytime outside but the world is dark,
The sun is shining but it hurts my skin.
How can I feel joy when I deserve nothing?
I keep trying to wake up to look to the sky,
But I keep finding myself asking God why?
What did I do to warrant this pain,
What did I do that made you take her away?
I held her in my heart and felt her breath,
I was only 12 weeks but it was real to me.
My arms are aching for a baby you took,
I would have given everything for just one look.
My body is shaking, sending shivers down my spine,
I want to scream out but It comes out as tears streaming down my eyes.
Nobody gets it, nobody knows,
Nobody sees the pain as it grows.
It doesn’t get better, it’s only gotten worse.
Every day that goes by she’s forgotten even more.
I wish I would have told the world about her existence,
When I had the chance and she was still breathing,
Now she’s gone and I feel so alone,
I just want everyone to know.
I can’t see straight because I keep imagining her face,
Imaging the little baby I’ll never be able to replace.
I would have loved her with all of my heart,
I would have given her the world from the start.
I still will, but it’s not the same.
I’ll never get to kiss her precious face.
I’ll never get to smell her sweet smell or feel her little hands wrapped around my finger.
I will always have a bitterness in my heart that lingers,
Secretly wondering why I deserve this grief,
Losing a child nobody knew but me.
There is a whole in my heart and there always will be,
But I know I see her everyday.
I see her in Masons eyes as he looks into my soul,
I see her in Lyla’s smile when she lights up a room.
I see her in Kiahna’s strength and in Brookley’s light,
I feel her in the way her dad holds me at night.
I feel her heartbeat when I feel mine beating fast, knowing it’s beating for two.
Just because your physically gone, I know your spirit is still alive.
Even though I never held you in my arms, I still gave you a name.
I’ll keep you in my heart for the rest of my life, my sweet baby Tae.
