Most days are tainted with silent tears,
The world again stained in technicolor pain
When once accustomed to black and white.
I lived my life in the shadows, protected.
But now the numbing clouds have cleared.
And the sun I cautiously stepped into
When I thought I had found my strength
Now bubbles burning blisters to tender skin.
Beneath the layers of blood, I find new flaws.
New insecurities, new doubts, new madness.
During my fall I did not notice the damage.
Busy frantically rearranging my puzzle pieces
Only to find they are from different boards.
When you fall for so long, it feels like flying.
A laundry list of sensitive subjects has risen
From the places I hid them so long ago.
Too afraid to air them out, fearing rejection.
Afraid I will over-speak; yet no one is listening.
I repeat that word through bated breath,
Digging the insult further into the wound.
I admire this level of vulnerability in others
But the insult seems fitting for me now.
It circles my head like vultures on the dead
Until salted tears tuck me in to sleep,
Like a self diagnosed pathetic.
