Resilience

There have been many days in my life when I couldn’t find a single reason to get out of bed;
Let alone continue living.
But I did.
I’ve spent nearly all of those days planning the many different ways I could end my life-
And only a portion of those days actually trying to end it.
But I didn’t.
I’ve spent my fair share of nights sobbing into my pillows,
Wiping my snot covered face into the sleeve of my arm,
And feeling the unbearable weight of every harrowing heartache I’ve ever had.
But I still got up.
I’ve yelled and screamed until my throat was so raw I couldn’t even speak;
I’ve punched things so hard I’ve fractured bones and bruised skin.
But I dealt with it.
I’ve cut myself so deep I needed stitches and have been to places so dark I had to be hospitalized to get myself out of them.
And I did.
I had a child-
And I felt so estranged afterwards that I wanted to jump off the bridge less than a mile from where I lived.
But I didn’t.
I’ve spent ninety percent of my life fighting and only ten percent of it actually living-
But I’ve lived some.
I’ve fought a lot.
I’ve survived most.
But I’m still here-
And that resilience in me gives me the utmost hope
that things will change for the better
someday.