there's no recovery through osmosis

There's something about this piece in particular that feels especially unique. I think each line is very strong, and there are morsels of sadness tucked in that linger after I'm done reading. I really see those opening lines clearly. Someone holding the flower, you holding on to the root like an anchor. Relying on that person to water them in the hopes you would feel you belong, too. I love how you describe it:

"they’ll absorb me in,
and that flowing
through their stems
would heal me"

And in the next line, talking about their system.... it made it that much more apparent how separate you feel now, when that fantasy is shattered and a bond or sense of belonging is no longer present. Also, comparing the flower withering to perhaps this person's idea of your worth. They no longer see the beauty and potential of you in the relationship, they only see you as futile, and start to let you go and discard you.... casting out any responsibility, neglecting to put in any work to salvage parts of the relationship (refusing to find what works and what could possibly grow). At least that's how I interpret it!

I think the most fascinating part of the piece is how you describe falling in to the delusion, and those delusions deepening as you grow older. I think delusion is a significant word to use, and can be hard to explain to others if they don't know the depths of a relationship, or what we are convinced of in our mind. How we can be aware of faults, but also choose to ignore and keep hoping things will change. It's almost like a passive way of living? Or something we know we have to confront someday, but we stick with what we know and expect, and it's not that we are too weak to leave or don't have the courage, it's just far more nuanced than other people may make it out to be.

I can't get over the part about this person plucking demons from the petals, and locking them away. I wonder if it is their attempt to not confront the demons? To hide them, to ignore them? I'm not sure. Maybe to put on the facade that everything is well, that there is nothing troubling. It definitely gives me a feeling of separation, of profound distance. It also makes me think of someone struggling with mental health, signified by the demons, and instead of processing them (hence working toward recovery), they are tucked away like they never existed. Like you never struggled. Never acknowledged. Or, being tucked in this person's notebook gives them a reason to vilify you, to use your struggles as a reason for them to push you away, as an "explanation" or "defense" for how they treated you. Really interesting to think about here.

Love this piece so much!

Really interesting to see the connection between the touchable and untouchable in this poem. One of my favorites of yours :)