Do you ever look at me,
See my smiles and wonder if they are real
Have you ever seen me dancing, walking
Down the street and think, "oh how happy he is"
Let me tell you a story, let me share with you my thoughts, let me engulf you and show you, how broken I am
My thoughts keep me up at night, shall i compare them to maggots for you? Wait that is too gross. I shall use the words to paint a picture of how my mind tends to boil the insides of my head everytime I shut my eyes and try go to sleep. "Oh here's another rant, insomnia this, insomnia that", but I will stop you right there.
See I'm a man, who feels but can not express. A man who plays scenarios of things to come and things already pass. So I wear a mask in public to hide my fears while pretending the world is full of shit and people who are bound to let you down. Cynicism, pessimism, a touch of nihilism cause nothing in this world has a real existence, but dont call it depression because I have seen those that have tasted the waters of the fountain and I am no impressed.
They tell me to calm my mind, and stop creating these imaginery constructs built out of false beliefs. Englightment the word they use. So they pump me with drugs to put me to sleep. Do I have a choice you ask? Live in my head for a second, can you hear the thunder coming, the rain pouring down the side of your windows, chooo choo, the train is going, screeching glass your head is banging, bang.... bang.... bang.... bang, I pump myself with drugs to go to sleep.
