Obsession

I know this may make me sound desperate but
There is a part of me that will always want you,
Always crave your company, your presence.
That is why I cling to the pieces I kept of you.
They are memories from many years ago,
Stories, plans and little things I made symbols.
I hold them dearly, hoping to never lose them.
I see you in almost everything that I do.
In the morning cup of coffee, flowers bloomed,
In the couples that sit down at my desk,
In the raindrops that cover my windshield,
In the lingering smell of the distant sea breeze.
It is information I store in your part of my brain,
Replaying certain situations on constant loop.
You are there in my vision, but not here.
There are almost 150 songs in your playlist
That I find myself singing the loudest to.
I keep quotes and snippets of your poetry,
Things I often read when my heart feels weak.
Reliving those moments, feeling you again.
I kept all of your pictures; I cannot help myself.
My eyes trace the outlines, imagining:
How your hand moves across the paper,
How I would get as lost in your concentration.
I see you when I look at them, not the picture.
I still find myself lost in the blue of your irises.
You lurk in both my subconscious and wake.
I cannot shake you; and I do not want to.
You are an obsession, but not in a crazy way.
The kind that makes me smile through pain,
The kind that gives purpose to my alarms.
Even if I am living life for you, without you.