Fragile

I’ve never needed a hug so bad in my life-
As much as I need a hug from you.
Your hugs have always been the most healing thing that I’ve ever felt;
And I am hurting so incredibly deeply right now.
Five years ago in this situation you would have given me a hug and a kiss on the forehead;
And that would have been the end of it.
I would have left the situation I’m in immediately,
Told him to go screw himself-
And moved on.
You always had a way of reminding me that I was worthy of being cared about;
That I was worthy of being loved regardless of what I had done or what happened to me-
Because neither of those things define me.
Everyone used to tell me I put you on a pedestal;
That I was making you out to be way to perfect but you weren’t perfect-
You were real.
You were the realest thing I had ever had to a true anything-
And I valued it so much it hurt.
I still do.
Leaving you was the hardest thing I ever did;
Number one on the list of people it hurt to lose regular contact with.
I could kick myself in the ass for giving up your hugs,
They really are the best and-
There’s not a single thing I wouldn’t do to feel the warmth of your smile again.
Your smile alone pretty much saved me;
And I have spent many nights picturing it when all I wanted to do was end my life.
When I left,
I was in a good position to leave.
I thought that I had learned enough about what I wanted out of my life that I would be okay with distance but;
I struggled so hard to see what you showed me in myself-
On my own.
That’s the thing about self worth;
When you’re as broken as I was it is fragile;
And your hugs have always repaired it instantly.