On Forgetting to Pray

The day boykeats on tumblr wrote that his god
rested on his teeth the way light rested in the stars,
was the day I knew that my god had abandoned me.
When I asked my grandmother she said
god never abandons us, we abandon god.
But then how does one explain the stabbing ache in my hands?
I do not remember the last time I prayed with folded hands,
but that does not mean I want them to remain empty and aching.
I cannot recall the last time I lighted an earthen lamp
but that does not mean I want our harvest to rot.

I once knew how finding god inside my mouth felt;
it was like swallowing holy water that left light traces on my teeth.
I loved my god but I wish they believed in me
the way I believed in them—
silently
unwittingly
endlessly.

Sharodi H