Uphold - Senryu
by Walter May 22, 2022
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A wall must have sides |
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Latest Comments
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2 years ago
by BOB GALLO
I am so happy now because I've found a good man. Love you my friend.
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2 years ago
by BOB GALLO
It is very clever my friend, and I got exactly what you are saying but a small concern here: The second sentence connecting through the "But" doesn't establish any "But." It only establish some kinds of double meaning to the word wall and side which adds a very clever perspective. So I would change "But when" to " Yet then" But your decision, just a suggestion. I might be wrong.
Dear Walter, this is the second time I am trying to establish a critical- creative bond to your Senryus, if I again sense you do not like this kinds of constructive bonds, I would never bother you again.
Smartly penned.-
2 years ago
by Walter
Thank you Bob for your feedback, and I always appreciate constructive criticism within the comments section. I meant to use the word ‘But’ as a conjunction to introduce something contrasting with what has already been mentioned. I originally had the word 'Although' - making that line 8 syllables and chose 'But' instead. Thanks again and your suggestions are always welcome.
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