The Spider

I heard my wife cry out in fright,
As I rushed to her aid.
She found a spider in the sink!
So I pulled out my blade!

I didn’t want to touch the thing.
But I knew what to do!
I’d stab it with my pocket knife,
And flush it down the loo!

But my wife shouted “Don’t you dare!
Just take the thing outside!”
With WHAT??? I shouted out in fear!
A napkin she replied!

She was hiding in the pantry,
As I devised a plan.
I grabbed my car keys and my pipe,
Then went out to my van.

That’s where I keep my stash of weed,
What’s that I smell? She groaned.
I blew the smoke into the sink,
And got that spider stoned!

The problem was, then so was I!
I giggled while I worked.
He looked at me, and I at him,
Together we both smirked!

We quickly introduced ourselves,
Then laughed at what we planned.
The spider gave me eight thumbs ups
Then climbed into my hand!

I opened up the pantry door
And threw the spider in!
The screams were almost deafening!
I listened with a grin!

Then suddenly I heard a thud,
So I opened the door.
My wife stood waiting angrily,
“I’ll get you back!” she swore.

She quietly just glared at me,
Until I went to bed.
So I slept with one eye open,
My mind was filled with dread!

The spider’s now my bodyguard,
When we’re not getting high!
Just a man and his pet spider,
Oh look! He caught a fly!

That gives me the heebie-jeebies!
He’s sucking on a fly!!
But he protects me from my wife,
And he likes getting high!

All friendships come with give and take!
At least he’s not a tick!
Some friendships have a rocky start,
And some just make you sick!

We need to set some boundaries!
No sleeping in my ear!!
Don’t capture flies and suck them dry,
Then drop them in my beer!

Who even thinks of things like that??
Look dude, this ain’t no joke!!
Just keep my wife from hurting me …
And have another toke!