Comments : Strange weather (a senryu)

  • 2 years ago

    by BOB GALLO

    Hi El_, I like your style. Specially I like you because you have one. Your Haikus=> Senryus are unique and not cliche. All good Some of them really bright. In this, for me, the second line is disconnected to the third one ( perhaps due to syllabus counts) Maybe I am not grasping it right. I wish it was written like this :
    "taunting me to awe"
    Apologize for my intrusion. It is just a suggestion. Even might be a bad one, but makes my point.

    Best
    DD

    • 2 years ago

      by El_Mabini

      Let me thank you, poet friend. What you said was gratifying because you wanted to give a critical analysis of the simple haiku I made. Don't worry because I also assume that there is something wrong with what I did. So I thought I'd post it to find out what's missing here. Good thing you were able to read this poem. And with that, I have something new in my mind. Again, thank you.

  • 2 years ago

    by Maher

    This is a great and condensed piece. In times where we have time flying by at a pace that's confusing and huge floods in the deserts of Arabia, forming rivers and lakes, it makes perfect sense.

    Thank you for sharing :)

    • 2 years ago

      by El_Mabini

      Glad to ease the anxiety caused by these disasters. Take care always.