Bamboos (a haiku)
by El_Mabini Aug 26, 2022
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Cold south wind comes forth. |
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Latest Comments
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2 years ago
by BOB GALLO
This is a fantastic piece yet still not delivered. You are such a poet and you open your wings so beautifully that even overwhelms yourself perhaps, because you do not fly. Maybe you do not know how, yet. You for sure will come back to these, to end them one day and establish how good a poet you are..
Suggestions::
First, bows => bow
Second, the word "worth" sounds good because it rhymes but it is forced and doesn't deliver, in my opinion .
Last, I do not know what should be visually significant about the "east" in the wind, for the reader seems unnecessary, unless it is replaced with "south," then, it could end nicely like this::
Cold south wind comes forth.
All bamboos bow to its might,
yet still facing north.
Haha only a silly suggestion.
Love your works El.
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2 years ago
by El_Mabini
Once again I thank you poet friend. Your insightful comments have once again helped me a lot. When I read your works of senryu and haiku I just had a strange feeling in my mind because I remember you as Sensei in the book Strange Weather in Tokyo. Like you, poet friend, he also has a passion for haiku. I hope you will continue to look forward to my haiku and senryu in the future.
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