I feel depressed
I hate who I am
Is it a choice
Can I please change
The things I do
The way I feel
Do I even care enough
Not to partake in the actions
That make me hate myself
That make me feel worse
Than I already feel to begin with
Can I stop this insanity
These feelings of disparate dread
Wishing
Wanting
But never committing
The moments before
And the moments after
Make clear
I know
But what’s keeping me bound
In these chains
Deranged
Waiting for these feelings
These actions
To stop themselves
The little will I have
Crushed by my failed attempts
Hating myself even more at time goes on
Feeling hope slip away
Slowly
And ever so surly
Vein attempts
Reservations
Cursed
Shame dread and guilt
Knowing I don’t deserve what’s coming to me
If it all falls apart
Knowing I could have done better
If it all falls apart
Knowing I didn’t do enough to change
Knowing I should have
But knowing I had nobody there to help
Knowing it will never be finished
Until I
Give up
And throw in the towel
Wanting a new problem
Deserving better
Trying so hard to give up
In all the right ways
Not fighting my incurable desires
Allowing me to look at them straight in the face
Wondering what others would think if they saw me
And it doesn't even help
Nothing does
Feelings driving me
Feelings stifling me
These feelings are killing me
Am I on the verge of killing myself
I hope I done get to that point
I don’t want anyone to go threw this
Lost hope
Alone
Hating who I am and the things I do
What’s next
Do I dare continue down this wretched path
Leading me to blood and tears
I beg myself to take an exit
Turn left I say
And still I continue
Straight to my hell on earth
Just to have another day gone by
Deeper into my depression
Closer to the ends I dare not meet
