I stare out the hotel window
the cold wind against my face,
mountain stars race
across the sad horizon
chasing the pages of the past.
I look ahead and I see how deep my love can be,
when pressed against the darkness
that comes with these thoughts of you and me.
I've been down this road in so many rotations,
the karmic cycle of pushing you away
because deep down I can't fix you
when I so dearly want to heal you
from the things you don't want to speak about,
and bring forth the changes
I want for you and myself.
This chilling peace has cost me the friend I love
and everyone else I know,
pushing away and leaving everyone else behind.
I choose loneliness over you.
I suffer and starve my soul,
because my good heart that's so vulnerable inside
only knows how to accept the
love it thinks it deserves.
So I drag myself through the dirt.
This heart machine
and all the pieces of you I find inside of me,
keeps turning my soul inside out,
again and again
as I throw you away, abandon
and create separation between us
until I'm tired, homeless and completely alone.
I jump through every scenario
and emotion in my head
Just to come back to where I started.
I may lose everything
what I have now
all because I love you,
but you can't love me back.
You are in love with your addiction,
and I can't keep watching you destroy yourself
because it destroys me too.
I can only love from a distance,
this heart machine hurts
every time I think of you.
