The sky was darker yesterday,
strange how one day could make a difference.
One day I feel like meeting the devil and the next I’m breathing it in.
Breathing in the life I dreaded for years,
breathing in the air that once suffocated me.
Some days the guilt seeps in,
and I wonder if I deserve this peace that washes over me-
removing all the bricks that once weighed me down.
My bones are healing now.
I’m no longer digging a shallow grave,
counting the days until I can rest.
I’m no longer biting my nails until the blood streams from my fingertips.
The hollowness of my heart is filling with hope,
hope that this feeling isn’t a sick dream.
That God hates me so much that he wanted to show me how happy I could be.
The negative thoughts are becoming few and far between,
i’m actually starting to think I know what happiness means.
My body doesn’t ache and my anger dissipated,
i’m no longer a ball of fire waiting to be ignited.
I broke free from the chains that captivated my soul,
my eyes are clearer and my faith was restored.
God and I still have a complicated relationship,
we ended on bad terms last year.
He took something from me that I would have given the world to keep,
i’ve spent most of this last year being angry.
It was an anger that engulfed my whole body,
it blurred my vision and slurred my words.
It took the best parts of me and made them implode.
I would like to say I’m finally okay,
but that day is engraved in my brain.
I realized I can have faith without loving God,
maybe we are just taking a break-
I just needed to take a moment to walk away.
I feel calmness radiating in my skin,
my whole body is soaking it in.
The sky was darker yesterday,
tomorrow it will be even brighter.
