Lonely

Lonely
It creeps up on me
Like a storm
As soon as I’ve laid out
My picnic blanket
And even with the ghost
Of warmth still lingering
On my skin
The impending darkness
Overshadows the joy
Of what once was
The shimmer of sweat on my skin
From the heat
Now makes me shiver in the shade
Left with not only a void
But also a new problem

For a long time I only knew storms
So much so
That I convinced myself I didn’t need the sun
I could survive the cold nights
And the blistering winds
Find my warmth by the fireside
But once the sky cleared
And the first rays hit my skin
I was reminded of exactly
What I had been missing
Now, I was apprehensive at first
Not allowing myself to get used to its presence
Knowing full well it went away before
It will go away again

But against my better judgement
I stepped fully into it
Hope springing
As the heat
Caused my skin to glisten
Arms wide
And face to the sky
My life force running on solar
Feeling seen and full in a way
I never thought possible
Safe enough to lay out a blanket
And to be made a fool of
As the rain soaks through
The feast I laid out
Craving the very thing
I convinced myself I didn’t need