I weep now, for longing;
I sob for another night of mental unrest.
I laugh, equally from pain, and from hollow hope,
that your afterlives are a place of beauty
and joy.
I woke up angry. I felt betrayed by my own mind.
I woke up overcome with guilt. I wasn't meant to survive.
I woke up, anguished by having even my dreams of you taken from me.
Made painful. Such that my inner world becomes desolate -
I was glad to see you all again,
but next time, please don't wake me up.
It all began with a memory. All eight of us, together.
Sitting in the forests and mountains, surrounded by nothing
but ourselves and nature, and music in the distance.
A real memory. Of a real experience, a decade ago.
Last night, I found myself there again.
I found all of you there, again.
We laughed, and we talked, and we loved each other, again.
It took a while until I realized,
that I'm the only one left behind.
And as I remembered how all things ended;
as I remembered all seven funerals,
and all seven graves.
I stopped being able to speak. No, I spoke. I tried to laugh.
And then that laughter turned into desolation.
I screamed as if the world was ending. Like I did, back then.
And then, for a split second, you all looked at me with glazed over eyes.
I remembered fully. You were gone. I am left.
Desperate, I tried to remain in the dream - return to it, even.
But at this point it was too late. None of you could hear me anyway.
I fell down on the grass crying so hard I wanted everything to end.
I tried ending the dream forcefully. Suicide usually works.
It didn't this time. As I raised my head, all of you were still there.
Staring at me, indifferently. With eyes glazed over.
The feelings I projected on to those eyes...
Why was I the only one who got to survive?
I stood up. The Dream Reality had changed shape.
Your figures faded in a cloud of black smoke. And the sun began to shine.
I stared up at the sky for a second, just crying. I closed my eyes again.
Feeling something on my face, I opened them.
The rain swept away the smoke, revealing flower gardens.
And Seven Graves filled. In the middle, an open coffin.
It'll be my turn, one day.
I hope you guys don't blame me for staying alive, for now.
I'll be with you again, some day.
Far, far, far away.
Give me the strength to continue struggling, my loved ones.
Please. Give me the courage, to extend the duration
of how long we can remain without meeting again.
