I should’ve told you I loved you.
Not that it would make a difference because I never stopped,
But I should’ve screamed it from the rooftops until you confronted it;
Should’ve called you and told you how much I needed you instead of watching from a distance as life moved on for both of us-
The way it did for everyone else when you died.
Everyone else except for me.
I screamed at the top of my lungs;
I screamed and cried and pleaded and begged for god to bring you back-
To create a stairway that I could use to lung up with every ounce of my strength and drag you back down to earth with me.
The air collapsed from my lungs and the world around me stopped-
Forever frozen in the moment I found out you were no longer here.
Grief is forever.
It doesn’t knock me off my feet everyday now;
But it never stops punching.
Of all of the losses I’ve taken yours has been the most devastating;
The most earth shattering ground taken from under my feet can’t breathe and helpless,
Devastating.
It’s been almost 5 years now since you left
and I’m still sliding down my bathroom door unable to breathe and shaking with uncontrollable sobs at the news of your death.
I begged god to bring you back but he didn’t listen and;
Now I wish I would’ve told you that I loved you.
I’ll never stop.
