I can’t stand our interactions, they hurt me dearly.
Needed financial help to get a place
that you didn’t even want, clearly.
Now our baby’s got a broken home,
how else would you word it?
I hate how somehow we’re at war,
she’s innocent and don’t deserve it.
I think you truly hate me
and some of that is deserving
just wish you didn’t quit on US
soon as I needed you working.
Maybe that’s my desperation?
I can’t solve this equation.
Because never did I believe
I’d have to fight for the right to care for my baby.
I just wanna be a father..
so why strip me from redeeming
how bad my dad was?
I paint her nails, do her hair,
at night cuddling and giving back rubs.
That’s my baby too!
There’s a time no one knew if she would survive
in the NICU I’d bring us to, always by your side.
I never shied away from my role
whether changing diapers, whatever.
It was enough for me to know,
I had my family together.
I never wanted the split
and didn’t need you to take care of me.
We’re supposed care for each other,
I even suggested therapy.
That’s when it became clear to me
that you weren’t gonna try.
“It’s over”
I don’t think I’ve ever felt more hopeless inside.
I figured maybe it’s a phase and you’d finally see
the grass isn’t greener just because it don’t include me.
But you were done, at the same time,
I lost Charlotte as well -
I’m not sure how I survived that hell.
I don’t expect you to care,
but if we’re fair I didn’t treat you too badly.
Though I’m not stupid,
my “insecurities” became reality.
I wanted you to feel my pain
because I was broken to the core,
to the point I’m crying in bed at night
while cuddling our daughter.
I don’t expect you to care though,
I write because it’s a release for ME.
Truthfully wish we made it all work,
it’s sad what we have come to be.
It hurts me to see all of your new decisions
and your connections.
I guess it’s because when I was your best friend,
you were totally different.
I’m not trying to put you down though…
You’re the mother of my child,
I’ve always wanted to see you thrive.
I’m thankful that you’re alive
and couldn’t imagine if you died.
It’s hard for me to look ahead
without you by my side -
even though it’s clear you definitely hate me,
I won’t let go because I’m borderline.
