i miss being your friend, i miss your laugh and i miss the light in your eyes that would get brighter as the months got warmer. like the ache in your own bones lessened as the seasons changed. i miss your laugh, as it was the only comforting thing i had in my life for years at a time. i don’t know what i did this time. i have a habit of being unaware when i hurt you and you have a habit of disappearing before i can fix it.
the distance between two points increases over time. we're drifting away from each other. you’re always too far away to love me. and i’m not saying i dont love you, i just think sometimes i miss you more. the way it rips at me, like something is missing from me. a semi vital organ, not quite a lung or my heart but maybe my kidney. it’s gone and i can feel where it was before, and everything else has to work harder to compensate. i am exhausted by it. i can only go for so long.
it is one am and i am having the same philosophical crisis i’ve been having since i was 15. i feel too old for this, like i should have figured it out by now. but i still dont know when to stop loving someone. i can’t remember what it was like before i knew you and i’m starting to wonder if there is language to describe it, or if this just is. is what it means to love and be human all at once, to feel something huge and beautiful, but having nowhere to put it all down.
