I once asked myself would things have been different have I not been born
Would my parents live different lives. Would it all have the same way gone
Would my mom grow to be the woman she has become after years of struggles
Would my father still live to this day and create even more troubles
Lots of ifs have gone through my mind throughout the years
Thoughts of tales and illusions brought about with my bitter tears
Unable to share out loud the concerns that plagued my soul
Sinking deeper each day inside my man-made hole
I noticed a pattern within myself when the ifs haunted my being
I would run from the truth and rather keep on fleeing
I tend to get overwhelmed quite easily when my limit is trespassed
Unable to establish limits for myself or even give up on the past
I'd sink deep in the blackness I helped to create
With my hands sealing away my miserable fate
Allowing my demons to take the rein and lose control
Denying every goodness and worthiness within me like an unwanted mole
Though I've noticed the pattern, it's hard to let go of my shame
I call it such for it only pushes me to myself blame
Never once have I been merciful with the girl that dwelled within
Never granted her the benefit of the doubt , tearing away at her skin
They say fear not the enemy that you see with your eyes
Your real foe lies deep within you feeding you endless lies
