The dysphoria feels like a punch to the gut,
feeling fine then suddenly out of place,
without any warning to soften the blow.
It feels like heartache - a longing for
something I've never really known,
wanting nothing but safety and comfort
in every step I take.
It's feeling like I'll never be enough,
for me or anyone else,
because they always see me as a "she",
and I have to pretend I don't care
how I'm perceived.
It's not knowing if I'm a man or not,
if I'm in or out of the binary,
the feeling of being an imposter -
an intruder in what should be my home.
It's constantly battling an onslaught of shame -
shame for not knowing,
shame for still being confused,
shame for feeling like I don't belong.
