drifting
with no destination in mind -
a spectator of my own life.
coasting
between contradictions,
between extremes.
can't move forward,
can't move backward,
expectations too heavy.
i can barely breathe
with all this pressure.
you want a happy life
for me, yet i cannot fathom
what that would look like.
my heart breaks into
unidentifiable pieces
when you say you
enjoyed trying to help me.
trying...
like you failed, like i am
unable to be helped
if i can't help myself first.
so i wander aimlessly
afraid to get too close,
afraid of feeling better,
tired of waiting for life
to convince me to stay,
tired of waiting
for myself to change.
