toxicity

one swallow
is all it could take

and i hate
how the thoughts
spiral

and i hate
how i'll probably
park outside the ER
for the fourth or fifth
time this month

waiting
perpetually waiting

trying to understand
if this is my mind
giving me a warning sign

if i'm too toxic
for this life

if what he said
was right

if i can't prove
it wrong

the lack of
confidence
in my safety

he lacked
confidence
(in me)

too much of a
danger to myself

too much of a
danger to him