In the first part:: "sometimes i wish...." I am all the way with you there. The first time In verry early ages when I learned the concept of death I could not stop crying thinking my parents would eventually die. I thought I was the cause of their death by growing.

" But the fear does come to me
when I am this closed to meet death"
It worries me to no end in both ends that you are insinuating you might be terminally ill ( which really breaks my heart because I genuinely love your spirit) or you are so broken that you are looking for sympathy. In any case I love you unconditionally my friend.

and then "cause there’s some
who depend on me and me alone
so I can’t greet death just yet"
which it is a great motivation to live.
Though remember we are all part of the " collective consciousness” so, we all are depended on one another. So my love and so many other's, way above mine. should be some sources of motivation for the continuation of the beautiful Luce to “Everlasting”