November 28, 2023.

by ana luiza   Feb 5, 2024


November 28, 2023.

I think it's coming again. I feel it in my body, in my bones and in my blood. I feel all the despair building up inside me, like thick, dark smoke, like a smoker's chest. I have lots of friends, a routine and I no longer feel lonely. Then why? Why do I feel so depressed and empty again? What went wrong? I don't understand why I need to occupy my mind all the time to not feel the sea of bad emotions inside me. I don't understand why even after getting what I wanted I still feel this way; numb. The past doesn't seem so far away and the uncertainty of the future consumes me completely. It's a bitter and depressing feeling, I don't understand anything. Even this small piece of writing makes me nauseous, everything that comes from me is filled with bitterness and insufficiency.

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  • 9 months ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Hey, wanted to say welcome to the site, and hope you post more. I really felt this piece. There are few words to describe how confusing and soul-crushing it is to feel the onset of depression... and feel like you can't stop it. Even when we have what we need, when we feel stable, when we have a support system, and it just comes on uninvited. I related to this line the most: "The past doesn't seem so far away and the uncertainty of the future consumes me completely." Struggling with that at the moment and there were some raw verses here. Especially with that visceral last line about how even writing makes you nauseous. Thank you for sharing this, all the best to you.

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