Fixation.

I still feel
the profound sadness
even when surrounded by
those who love me

(but they’re not you).

I mourn
the loss of a childhood
I could have had with you,

of a future
that will never be mine

(because you are not
and will not ever be
interested in me).

I can’t force your hand.

I can’t convince the universe.

Everything keeps spinning.

My mind, an unstable axis.

Where are you?
I ask myself this periodically,
when clearing the table,
when adjusting my socks,
when caught in a conversation.

When will the sadness end?

I thought I’d gotten ahead,
but it’s traced me once again.

Please, leave my brain
so I can move on.

I hate how you attach…