"To be with my trauma" - YES.

I get called out constantly for my avoidance, or my tendency to change the subject. It has amused my therapist before (though me not so much lol). I'm often so closed off or physically uncomfortable. It's hard to sit with the discomfort, reflect on it, feel it, use it as fuel perhaps for good. And I always deny deny deny that I need to face certain things... but then it ends up dysregulating me at random times or coming up time and time again without any resolution. There's that reality that eventually, as you wrote, you become too exhausted at the running... at whatever we use to distract or push it all away.

Really resonated with this.