My shining light
When the world was always so dark
She was always there for me
She had just the right remark.
The laugh she had
You knew it was hers before you could see
She lit up any room she was in
And she fit in quite comfortably.
My mama’s smile was the best
She somehow always knew what to say
Even if she never said a word
And let me ramble all day.
Never once did mama doubt me
She always believed I could do anything
She made me feel special
Like I had power over everything.
But I guess not enough power
To take away this disgusting disease
Cancer has won once again
It has brought us to our knees.
Less than a week ago
I seen her laugh and smile
She had a great birthday
With all her grandkids for a while.
I seen the time she had
Dwindling down more and more
But wouldn’t believe it was so soon
When we sat and bawled on her floor.
Taking these last few months
And having her right by my side
Have been so heartbreaking
But also a joy ride.
I say this because
Throughout our lives it was hard
Growing up without each other
And always being apart so far.
To have her there I got to spend more time
Getting to know my mother again
Watching her laugh and talk
Even though she held her pain within.
There will never be a moment though
Where I won’t regret all those times
Where I ignored her call
Because I was busy at the time.
There will never be a moment
Where I won’t regret stopping by
When I was passing through
Because I was too busy to stop and say hi.
But now I realize a little too late
Busy isn’t real, it is nothing but fake
Now she is gone and never will return
She was real, my mother was awake.
So now that she is gone
I have to ask myself why
Why didn’t I just make an effort
Why didn’t I push myself to try.
But as I am sitting here
Indulging in the What If’s
I can’t help but think what she would say
She would slap me thinking like this.
She would tell me to stop worrying
She would take my hand and hold it tight
She would tell me things happen for a reason
And that everything will be alright.
I can picture her sitting there
Her legs tucked underneath her
She would smile at me and laugh
And say that this was just how things were.
Mother would never let you see her pain
Even if it was running so deep
She would put a smile on her face
And make us laugh until we went to sleep.
If my mother was still here
I know one thing she would say
She would tell me to keep my chin up
It will get easier everyday.
She would tell me so misses me
And how much love she had
That she is never truly gone
She just went to visit our Dad.
She would look at me and state
Don’t you cry for me today
As I am no longer in pain
Now that the Lord has taken me away.
So even though it hurts so much
To not be able to pick up the phone
To dial my mama everyday
I know she didn’t truly leave me alone.
She is here with me and with us all
In our hearts and in our souls
It will get easier over time
Grief is one thing we can’t control.
So mama if you’re reading this
Please know we will all be ok
It may take some time
But I know it is better this way.
You are now pain free
No more suffering you have to go through
We will all still be here
Waiting for the day we can come home to you.
I will forever love you mama
A soul like yours can never be replaced
I just hope your up there smiling down
Knowing you’re in a much better place.
