I went to work today and now I feel dead
except fact check - I’m not dead.
I did a good job.
I greeted customers.
I remembered the process,
like a punch line to a joke that’s supposed
to get old, but never does.
I did okay.
I did more than okay.
But it changes nothing.
I got home,
exhausted from the humidity,
weary from the traffic,
and didn’t realize until hours later
how my body wanted to shut down.
It was like I ran a marathon.
And I tried to recall the previous hours,
but it felt like mush.
I’d interacted, and it hadn’t made me anxious,
but I don’t remember who I was,
like I stepped into a persona
that was suddenly functional.
And it’s a weird after effect,
to realize it’s the same person.
The person who went through
a crisis just 2 months prior,
who struggles with any socialization,
and then to realize I masked
and surprised myself.
I was present, but also not.
And my body and mind are
adjusting
to being a person out these walls.
