Far From a Poem But Love in Depth

With one touch of your hands from across the table it felt like lightning the moment we first touched. So many feelings that I felt existed but didnt believe anymore until that moment. Days went into nights, and nights into weeks and weeks into months and suddenly everthing that had existed before couldnt even hold a flame to what we had together. Experiences, moments in time that still take up pieces and parts of my mind and my heart. I cannot forget. I will not forget.

Toxicity ran through our souls almost as if we got so close to forever that we both feared at times slowly punishing the other person for showing the only love standard that would exist in our minds for the rest of our lives. Hard to imagine a love like that. Hard to even think about not knowing what was out there until it smacked you in the face and was right in front of you. So many people in this world could only imagine and dream of this type of love. It was passion, it was fear, it was staying up late to talk because of bad dreams, and holding eachother without a word that made it special. It was a look and knowing how the other person just knew how we felt. It was love.

However, with that love came so much fear and so much pain and so many bad words and moments that made you question and say it couldnt be love. But when two broken souls meet and have dreams of forever but both constantly ruin every moment that could be good it creates the worst cyclone of events that leaves nothing but disaster, pain, and emptiness moving forward.

I dont regret that now you are gone and I have nothing but memories. Memories of your voice, your touch, your head laying on my arm or lap at the end of a long day. Constant snoring which would lead me to say lets go to bed. There really was not alot wrong with us other than both of us not healing or working through problems in which would make us push eachother away when everything in the universe had brought us together.

Acceptance of you and your soul was something mine did in the moments we met I recognized something in you which led me to believe and i still believe I knew you my whole life, and I just thank god that I got a part of that at some point of my life. Because when you feel so lost within your own skin, sometimes the most beautiful thing is being able to love someone and accept someone and actually do that with no agenda other than the belief that you met your person.

They say you meet your person or people in life for reasons. I know this to be true in every essence of that statement. I met my kids mother for a reason. I have three living reminders of her everyday. I met girlfriends in the past to teach me lessons, and then i met her to give me the belief and thought that I had at least experienced a soul mate who challenged me and didnt make it easy and that created a feeling so strong and so true that most people run away from within weeksn let alone a year plus of good and bad.

You will forever hold my heart, you will forever be someone I cannot have. I will never forget how my approach at talking things through constantly and your approach at hiding your emotions or things you were thinking about and not talking about had truly become what inevidibidly cost us the love of a lifetime. You had learned in your upbrinigng to keep those emotions in and not talk as its weakness and I over time learnt that we are all human and regardless of anything that has happened in our lives we all have insecurities and pain and frustration and that makes us human and its okay to talk about those things because its not weakness not when someone protects you with everything they have and if there doing something or not doing something regardless if they love you truly are going to take your feelings into consideration because if somethings wrong with you its not something thats wrong with you its something that we need to make better collaboratively to make us stronger. Because when you do finally meet the one, your soul mate, something in this world where thats all that matters then its truly something you dont care what others think because of at the end of the day its just you and that person that exists in your world.

I know this will never find you my love, but please know you were the love of my life.

Signed

Kerry.