As I sit here in this room
I can’t help but wonder
How cruel life can be
All covered in somber.
Cancer won again
This disease ripping us apart
Can’t even win a battle
Ending up with a broken heart.
Stories I’ve heard
Of others fighting for their life
I never thought I’d have to see it
And bare the pain that Stabs like a knife.
The transformation was so fast
The decline more than I can handle
Good for a day here
Then everything started to dismantle.
My mom is drifting off
No longer able to speak
Can’t move a muscle
Everyday she is more weak.
We are down to days
Not even weeks anymore
She lays on her death bed
While I write this on her floor.
So many tears have been had
So many things left unsaid
I wish she could talk to me
While I lay everything out beside her bed.
As I sit and listen
Her breathing is getting less
Her life is fading fast
What else do I need to confess.
I am beyond scared
I still refuse to admit it
But I want to scream and yell
I want to throw a tantrum I want to throw a fit.
How can she be leaving us
She is so young still
I wish I could take it all away
Rid the cancer with a pill.
She has not been able to talk
But she does still cry
I was talking with her today
Just voicing my last goodbyes.
I wish I could wake up tomarrow
And see her smiling back at me
I miss her laugh so much
But also need her to be pain free.
I wish I would have asked her
All the things I am thinking now
I want to hear her answers
I just want to hear her voice somehow.
So many questions are now left
All un-answered in her soul
I should have talked with her more
Now I’m spiraling out of control.
I want to believe that she will bounce back
I want to believe it so much
But as I sit and talk with her
I know our time is running out of luck.
Please mama don’t you dare leave
I am going to be lost without you
You were supposed to beat cancer
Not let it control you.
But alas, as I sit here in this room
And listen to my mother’s breaths
I am dying right along with her
There’s no coming back from these effects.
All I can do now
Is pray for the pain to go away
You are my shinning light mother
I hope I get to see you again one day.
** This was written 2 days before my mama passed away from cancer. My heart as been shattered as I will never be able to get her back again, never hear her voice or see her smile. I miss her so much.. **
